All About You

30 May

Yesterday was miserably not and humid.  Really miserable.  Less than two weeks ago we had snow.  Living in Vermont is very weird and always will be.  This morning it’s cool and rainy, but apparently the sun will come out and make it worse than yesterday.  And then a thunderstorm and the weather will right itself.  They had to call of the Burlington Marathon 4 hours into it because the heat and humidity were so dangerous.

Okay, I got my work cut out for me this week.  I gotta compile information to get money back from Amex, I have to revise the mss., I have to work on the new books, I have to finish the doll dress I’m working on, and I have to keep my room relatively neat.  Oh, and I want to get to the pool this week and see how I do.

I want to write, I need to write.  I miss that magic place.

But mostly I’ve been spending the weekend sitting and talking with Richie.  We just like being together, talking about things.  We went down to the lake yesterday because Richie’s nephew and his wife aren’t in residence (I’ll have to talk about that sometime) but for right now things are peaceful.

So tell me – what’s on your agenda?

Dance for Joy

29 May

How did happiness dance into your life this week?

Madame Chubette (Krissie)

27 May

Photo on 5-27-16 at 12.49 PM #2 So, I went back to WW. I’ve done it so many times I’m practically an expert, and yet, actually, it almost always works. I’m doing it online this time (which isn’t as effective for me) because it’s 25 miles to the nearest meeting and I’ll have rehearsals starting up in a few weeks, so making the meeting won’t work. I had to cut out the exercise portion because at this point i can’t do any of it, and I think maybe I’ll adjust my daily points downward just a little. Or try not to use them all up. Day one I overdid, day two I went a little under. I figure it’s the only thing that’s not outside of my control, and I really need to stick to it. Right now I can barely do anything, even going up and down the stairs (I try to keep it to a minimum). I may not be able to do anything about getting older, but I don’t have to accept being a cripple. Which I basically am at this point.
So, I’m feeling emotionally energized to do this (physically is another matter but then, I don’t have to DO anything, I just have to STOP doing stuff, and I’ve been stopping doing stuff so much that I’m an expert at it.)
I was horrified when I got on the scale — 249.9 when it had been about ten pounds lighter. It was probably an artificial high, but hell, I’ll take it because it’ll make the loss bigger.
So I’m on the case.
Had a horrible moment last night. First, a little background. My nephew died in car crash when he was 18. The police called my sister but wouldn’t tell her anything, they called his stepmother but wouldn’t tell her anything, not until Ted could confirm it. And when I talked to Laura (the stepmother) recently she started talking about the phone calls, and I started crying behind my sunglasses.
Fast forward to last night. Tim’s been doing great – really really well. Richie and I were watching tv, the phone rang, and caller ID showed up on the tv screen as California St …
and I lost it. Screamed at Richie to get the phone, and then when I realized who it was (California State division of Social Security about Tim’s disability, not California State Police) I had a complete breakdown. I still get weepy even talking about it.

It’s odd, because many many years ago, when Tim was 12 or 13, he was out one night and the Vermont State police called, and asked if we had a son named Timothy. And I said yes, and asked what was up. It was the dispatcher, and she said she couldn’t tell me, and I calmly demanded, and she said she’d transfer me, and at least a minute later (and trust me, 60 seconds in those circumstances are endless) I found out Tim had been busted, in a car with underage drinkers with marijuana on him.
And I just calmly went into crisis mode — no tears of panic.

And that was about 7 or 8 years after Stuart (my nephew) was killed.  It’s now 26 years since he died.
I was always surprised that I didn’t flip out when that happened. Didn’t flip out when Richie had his heart-attack, when Tim had his major snowmobile accident, when my sister died. I can usually deal with crises.

It was probably a combination of talking to Laura last week and dealing with Jo’s death. I try not to let myself panic when someone doesn’t return home in a timely manner and I don’t know where they are. I didn’t even freak when Tim disappeared and I found he was in the hospital. Getting freaked out about something that probably hasn’t happened is ridiculous. Freaking out when something has happened is counterproductive.

But yesterday was just bad. I almost told Tim about it, then decided there was no reason for him to know. I tend to share too much, and that would probably make him worry about me (he already does).
Still, it’s kind of rotten that no one in my family: my father, my brother, my sister, my nephew, my adopted-away niece, and even my 98 year old mother all died without warning. (I need to look on the bright side, which is that we don’t have cancer on either side of my family, which gives you plenty of warning). So it tends to make a girl untrusting.

So instead of making Tim worry I’m sharing it with you guys. It happened so fast that I didn’t have time to control myself, but I don’t want to be prey to those kinds of nightmares. People do die, and there’ll be more agonizing deaths in my life, even if there aren’t that many left. Gotta pull up my socks and get on with it.

Does everybody get those panicky feelings, or is it just me because I’ve lost so many people that way? It kind of seems to me that if it happens even once you start to lose your faith that everything will be all right.

Jo Beverley

24 May

jo Jo died yesterday. She went very quickly, efficiently, and gracefully, as was her wont. She’d had cancer five years ago and managed to beat it, but it came back with a vengeance. Two months ago she was talking about moving back to Vancouver. Two days ago she was working on her revisions.
I don’t like death much. Someone said it’s God’s plan, not mine, but I don’t like His plans (God’s a man for the bad stuff, a woman for the good stuff). Still, Jo lived a good, full life and brought joy and romance to many many people, and she died with a pen in her hand (almost). I can be philosophical, but I’m not in the mood.
Jo and I had a cheerfully cantankerous relationship. When I first joined GEnie, an on-line chat group, there were topics for writers and all the posts were still there. So I went in, found mine, and found Jo saying “I don’t really care for Anne Stuart.” From thence a good friendship arose. We didn’t agree on anything (Jenny was the same). She liked noble heroes, village life, people all around. I like bad heroes and the countryside and the loner. I was all “Jo, you ignorant slut” and she was all “Krissie, you blithering twit.” I cared for her very deeply, and I expect she cared for me.
She’s the first close writer friend who’s died, but guys, there are going to be more. A lot of us are in our sixties now, and bad things happen.
So on a more cheerful note, we need to really cherish the people who write the stories we love, cherish the words that will last forever. Someone suggested everyone should go post a good review for a favorite writer at Amazon in tribute to her, because we tend to take things for granted. Whatever you do, think of Jo, and all the other writers who’ve made such a difference in our lives (starting all the way back with Frances Hodgson Burnett and Louisa May Alcott for me). Sometimes I think stories are the only thing that truly matters in this life. Let’s all raise a glass (she’d want us to drink port but that stuff is nasty – I’ll have cream sherry, thank you) in honor of Jo.

All About You

23 May

‘Tis Monday again.  Another week, another attempt at losing weight.  I know, it sounds negative, but I seem to be stalled or fooling myself or something.  I need to do something drastic.

I’ll tell you what I had yesterday.  Seltzer water.  Black coffee.  Breakfast bar (140 calories).  Lunch: 2 slices whole wheat bread, healthy peanut butter (not a lot) and marmalade (not a lot).  Fruit (banana, strawberries and blueberries).  Aha — white chocolate Kitkat – there’s a no-no.  For dinner:  big salad with chicken (no dos are croutons, raisins) with small amount of dressing.  A fiber one bar.  Oh, and one Mexican coke (about 10 oz.)  Ah, and a ciabatta with small amount of olive oil.

Now that seems okay to me.  But clearly it’s not.  Of course, right now I’m almost sedentary – my knees are very swollen and have been since I finished the book.  But clearly I’ve got to figure out some kind of radical change that’s still easy.  I’m avoiding white stuff (though the ciabatta was white flour), avoiding sugar (though the coke had sugar and I imagine the fiber one bar and the breakfast bar had sugar.  Only the fiber one bar would have high fructose corn syrup).

Gotta look at it all once more and come up with a new plan.

In the meantime, we have to refinance our house (complicated financial reasons due to borrowing a huge amount to pay off our taxes and then that amount coming due) so an appraiser is coming tomorrow and he’s taking pictures.  In fact, I think I’ll go around the house and take pictures first.  I spent all yesterday working on the bedroom and the living room – today more bedroom and office.  Aimee!  Nothing like a deadline.  I’ll think of it as Project Runway – I have until noon tomorrow.  It still won’t be pretty but it will be better.   At least enough to refinance.

Gotta get the mess at social security straightened out, and I really wanted to go swimming today, but I probably can’t until I get the house looking presentable.  Wednesday, then.  Going to start working on a fun project while I wait for revisions, and make plans to go see Crusie – it’s been waaaaaay too long.  When I get there we’ll send you messages from the front.

So, what’s on your agenda?   It’s finally spring here – actually we don’t have much of a spring — it goes winter/mud season/summer.

Tell me your chores and delights.

Just Rolling Along

22 May

Tell us how you rolled along brightly with happiness this week.

All About You

16 May

Hullo, me darlings!  I’ve been having a terrible time with insomnia but I finally caught up on my sleep – hence the extreme lateness of this post.  It snowed last night — God bless for Vermont.

So, the book is off and I get to relax for a few days.  Which I thoroughly intend to do.

So, what’s on your agenda?