That’s me riding in style during our Fourth of July Parade (held on the 2nd of July). I’m surrounded by the kids from the theater camp – we sang songs from Sleeping Beauty (their production) all the way down Breezy Avenue and up Craftsbury Road (our main intersection). Clearly I am not troubled by vanity. And I’m actually having my cousins and their partners over for dinner tonight so we can watch “SHE LOVES ME” (it’s streaming for a week – I already saw the live stream). One of my favorite musicals, and since we all do musicals together, and since i’m the one with the Rokus, it’s up to me. So I’m cleaning (ohmygod) and Richie will grill mesquite rubbed chicken and make focaccia (which we call Chewbacca) and a big salad and then maybe shortcakes with blueberries, strawberries and whipped cream (or ice cream) for a red white and blue dessert.
This week – oh, god. You know, if the fates wanted me to be depressed they’d send me all the shit I have to deal with.
1. Son not working, depressed, overdrawing his account
2. Older child on medical leave for depression, us paying the college loans
3. Publisher loses interest
4. Mortgage stuff for refinancing such a horrible mess (their fault) that we’re leaving our bank of 39 years and we have to deal with it first thing tomorrow
5. Grandchildren being kept from me by evil other grandmother
6. Shrink on vacation
7. chronic pain
8. Waiting for both children to implode- they both seem emotionally disabled, with Tim’s situation even more complicated.
Anything more? Probably. And yet I soldier on instead of curling up into the fetal position. When I’m not depressed I can deal with anything. I come up with a plan, a list, deal with things one day at a time. I don’t freak out and weep (I never get mad so that’s not an option). I ache for my children. But I can’t fix them, and I refuse to offer up my well-being as an act of solidarity. The worst statement ever made by a mother was “I’m only as happy as my most unhappy child.” YeGods!
I rehearse almost every day (being in two shows is a time sink but in general I love it), the weather is gorgeous, ob la di ob la da life goes on. I’ll deal with items one through eight (on the pain from I’ve lost more than twelve pounds) and hope the stars align for better times.
What’s on your agenda this independence day? Hey, now I have a theme, after I’ve written the post. OK, let’s tie it all up.
I declare independence from tying my emotional health to my children.
What do you declare independence from?