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All About You (Krissie)

20 Mar

So, the photo on the right is today, 2017. The photos on the left are, on top, me from 2012, when I’d lost a lot of weight, and 2013, when I gained it all back. If I get to the other computer I’ll see if I can find photos from the same day in ’14, ’15 and ’16. I never realized when I started putting up photos that I’d end up with such an interesting resource.

So, anyway, how did you guys survive the blizzard, those of you who had it? We got thirty inches or more, coming down at 4 inches per hour at times, with a strong wind. Every school in the state was closed, and we know how to deal with snow in Vermont. Now we’re opening windows (it’s only 50 or so but it’s nice to get fresh air.)

Speaking of being fabulous, I’ve decided I have to go back swimming again. I feel like I’m living in a coffin-shaped box – that’s about how much I move and can move. It’s only in the water that I can really stretch out. It takes time and money, but neither price is crushing (I can swim for $100 for 6 months and the pool is available from 6 am to 8 pm (with two hours off in the afternoon for students). The drive takes about half an hour, but if I lived in NYC or near traffic it would take that long or longer – it’s 24 miles away). All the time changing and showering is time I don’t waste at home doing the same thing (I go under the shower before I get in the pool). I can’t walk, my replaced shoulder is incredibly stiff and painful, and I my body’s become a prison. Plus, I won’t get all the exercise I usually get in the summer when I’m acting. Gotta do something.

The weight is staying off (though not dropping lower – it would be lovely to drop below 220 and stay there.) My big goal is to get below 200 and stay there for a while. I guess I need to put a little more effort into it, but right now it’s absolutely painless – I don’t lust for sugar and fried food and huge amounts. But I could probably cut healthy carbs back a little.

It’s nice when it’s no longer vanity motivating me. My relationship with vanity has always been contentious (I think that’s true for most people). My sister was beautiful, and she always made it clear that she was the pretty one. That backfired because she started feeling that being pretty was her only value, and she basically ate herself to death (it said her death was caused by COPD complicated by obesity). And in fact I’ve been going through old photos and looking at myself dispassionately and realizing I’ve always felt way too negative about myself. I remember about 50 years ago Buffalo Springfield had a song about “pretty girl, why not love me?” and I wept because I wasn’t a pretty girl. And you know, I was. Almost all 18 year old girls are.

Feeling good feels a lot better than looking good, and that’s my goal. Tomorrow I will lumber onto the scale – nope, that’s too negative. I will trip lightly onto the scale, face the music, and move on.

I can’t fix everything (there’s a stunner!) and I can’t fix much, but there are things I can do.

So tell me, what’s up for you guys? Anyone serious about their weight and their mobility right now? Or is work a major consideration? Family? I’ve got all three things pulling at me, and the body tends to be the first thing to go by the wayside but I’ve got to spend time on me if I want to do all those other things. Seems I’ve got energy right now.

So … wassup?

All About You (Krissie)

12 Dec

Photo on 12-12-16 at 6.57 AM It’s the crack of dawn. Sleep has been elusive this week – Tim’s out of the hospital (he stayed two extra days, thank god) and … unstable. Some days he sounds close to okay, but then I get messages that I have to call a woman in town, right away (It was midnight) and tell her that her daughter’s body was in a landfill in Chicago.

We’re surviving. This week – a NAMI meeting, see my shrink, write and sew. And survive. I’ll come back and tell you more later – right now I’ve had less than five hours sleep and I’m crashing.

More Christmas stories, please.

La Chubette (Krissie)

28 Jul

Photo on 7-28-16 at 1.55 PM Finally remembered to get on the scale and I’m 234.7, which makes it 15 pounds. Yeah, you can see it in my face, and my clothes are getting lose. It still doesn’t feel like I’m no longer carrying 3 5lb. bags of flour, but chest la vie. It can only help.
I tend to lose weight during the summer anyway – I don’t like to eat much before a performance and we have 5 performances a week (god, that’s only 3 short of Broadway). Because I’m busy I don’t have as much time to sit around and eat, plus I’ve been off sugar long enough that it no longer calls to me, thank God.
I don’t remember how low I got when we started refab. Maybe into the 220s but I don’t remember that I did. I may have just dipped to 229 (but I started at about 10 pounds higher). So it would be very nice to be in the 220s, which I should be by the end of summer.

And my shoulder is doing well, even though it’s healing very slowly (saw the doctor today). These things just take time, I guess.

Performance tonight as Chief Eagle Feather in Annie Get Your Gun, tomorrow as Mrs. Dubose in To Kill a Mockingbird, then an unexpected day off, followed by a matinee and an evening. Hey, if Hillary can run for president then I can do five shows a week. Except she’s in better shape than I am.

Anyone else working on their weight? How’s it goingIMG_0200

All About You

13 Jun

Photo on 6-13-16 at 8.40 AM So no big cheesy grins today. Tough times in this country, tough times in this world.
Tomorrow I get to see Crusie!
Last week I finished the revisions, kept to my eating plan, dealt with myriad financial crap, listing to a fabulous book (Duke of Sin by Elizabeth Hoyt – fabulous book, fabulous narration)
This week I have to work on some financial crap, go to PT, pack, deal with the thousand natural ills that flesh is heir to. (Bonus points if you know where that’s from).
But mostly I’m going to relax and spend time with my BFF.

What’s on your agenda? I doubt anyone’s as lucky as me, but I hope good things lie ahead.

Madame Chubette (Krissie)

9 Jun

Well, I can’t go see Crusie until Tuesday, unfortunately, because things went nuts at the bank.  We’re refinancing our house, and they want all sorts of totally absurd things like a profit and loss statement.  For a writer?  I’m supposed to list my assets — my brain and my good nature?  Grrrr.  And it turns out the IRS lean on our house was never officially removed (well, the IRS did, but the town records didn’t) so I had to chase around that, chase around our tax accountant to see if he can figure out some sort of profit and loss statement, and not throw a hissy fit at the bank.  But we never had to go through this shit before..

If it’s a way of protecting the consumer and keeping everyone from getting into trouble like we did with the real estate bubble exploding, then I guess I will take one for the team, but it’s really annoying.

I’ve got a PT appointment on Monday and then I head down to Crusie’s.  I can’t stay as long as I want — we start rehearsals on Sunday, but at least I’ll get a chance to see her.

And fortunately the scale was … well, I was using the scale incorrectly.  I have it propped on its side in the laundry room (probably a big no-no) and when I set it down it says 0 so I step on it.  The second time I did it the weight was even higher, and I knew that was wrong, so I tapped it again the way I was suppose to and it gave me the right weight.  I did it three times to be sure.  So I’m down a little more, staying on program and being a good girl.  Cruise’s will be a challenge but she’ll help and I’m in the zone.

I also finished the revisions on the new book and I’m so pleased with myself it’s disgusting.  I’ll just sit here and pat myself on the back instead of eating.

So … I’m in a good mood for the time being.  One child is dissolving, the other one keeps improving, and I keep chugging along.  (Reminds me of the old Loretta Lynn song – “one needs a feeding and one needs a spanking and one’s on the way.”  I don’t know if she really said spanking – more likely whuppin’.  I used to sing Loretta Lynn songs, like “Don’t Come a-home a-drinking with loving on your mind” and “You ain’t woman enough to take my man.”  I was a colorful soul, and not half bad.

Anyway, it barely made 40 degrees here today, and my toes are cold.  Seems to be either feast or famine with this weather.  I hope the rest of you are having sunnier climates.

 

A Little Bit of Poison (Krissie)

31 May

Photo on 5-31-16 at 12.04 PMSo, Madame Chubette (moi) is doing well on WW.  I lumbered onto the scale and weighed 242.2.  I weighed 249.9 last week, so that means down 7.7 pounds.  I did think that might have been an artificial high, but hey, it’s a good way to start out.

I’m doing WW, and I get something like 31 points a day.  One thing I’ve discovered is how fattening drinks are.  Before I used to mainline Diet Coke and Tab, and it wasn’t good for me.  I’m glad I stopped, and what I’ve done instead is have a real Coke (either a Mexican coke with real sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup) or a 6 oz. can, and I have one three to five times a week.

Those suckers have so many points!  Plus, I get jumpy legs so I drink tonic water almost every night.  That’s just as bad.  As well as Cran-raspberry juice, etc.  I stick mainly with seltzer water and plain water, but even having the coke and the tonic water sparingly they use up lots of my points, plus it means I’m not free from sugar.

So I’m thinking I might dabble in fake sugar again.  I was still doing some baking with splenda (obviously I wouldn’t eat much of whatever I baked).  If instead of coke I had a 6 oz. can of DC three to five times a week I think that would be safe enough.  Next time I buy tonic I’ll buy diet tonic (though I’m looking into alternatives to tonic water) and I think there’s a reduced sugar version of Cran-raspberry juice (not necessarily with fake sugar, just less of the real thing).

I don’t think small amounts of nutrasweet or whatever will be a problem.  I think what happens is that people become so addicted to the drinks that they consume huge amounts, and I’d limit mine the way I limited the sugary stuff.  If I find myself drinking more then I’ll just cut it out entirely again.  I had no problem cutting it out (two years ago) and I don’t think small amounts will set me off, though I’d be wary of even a 12 oz. can.  But 6 oz. should be safe enough — I’ll see.

Still have to avoid lemonade etc. because I drink tons of it. A small glass just won’t do.  I’ll have to decide what to do about iced tea.  I haven’t been able to really like it without sugar (or at least want it, though I order it a lot in restaurants and drink it).  I need to work on that too.

In the meantime, I’ll keep up with the water, seltzer, and black coffee (always my preferred way to drink coffee).  And apparently the oatmeal I’ve been eating is loaded with sugar as well.  Summer isn’t really oatmeal time so I can deal with that in the fall.

Anyway, I decided this would be a smart idea, since I’ve been trying to cut out sugar and didn’t realize how much such a small amount contained.  I’ll let you know how it works.  I’ve been very good about tracking my points, and I’m overdue for a major grocery shopping.

Tomorrow or the next day i try the pool.  I’m having a really hard time walking and my arm hurts (damn shoulder) but I gotta do what I can.

Anyone else hunkering down?  I figure summer is easier — you generally tend to eat lighter meal.  Plus, I always lost weight when I do the summer plays — I guess it keeps me busy enough that I’m not around food.  This year I’m in the chorus of Annie Get Your Gun and an ancient, racist, morphine-addicted woman who weighs 98 pounds in To Kill A Mockingbird.  I expect we’ll change the line about 98 pounds (and may change the line about being almost 100 years old).  We’re not changing the N-word (I only have to say it once).  About 8 lines, and then a hobble off stage and die (she’s so old she’s crippled, so it’s a perfect part for me).

So, anyone else going to push salads and healthy stuff, or are you just going to enjoy it and not worry.  It’s in winter that people tend to put on weight, I think.

Madame Chubette (Krissie)

27 May

Photo on 5-27-16 at 12.49 PM #2 So, I went back to WW. I’ve done it so many times I’m practically an expert, and yet, actually, it almost always works. I’m doing it online this time (which isn’t as effective for me) because it’s 25 miles to the nearest meeting and I’ll have rehearsals starting up in a few weeks, so making the meeting won’t work. I had to cut out the exercise portion because at this point i can’t do any of it, and I think maybe I’ll adjust my daily points downward just a little. Or try not to use them all up. Day one I overdid, day two I went a little under. I figure it’s the only thing that’s not outside of my control, and I really need to stick to it. Right now I can barely do anything, even going up and down the stairs (I try to keep it to a minimum). I may not be able to do anything about getting older, but I don’t have to accept being a cripple. Which I basically am at this point.
So, I’m feeling emotionally energized to do this (physically is another matter but then, I don’t have to DO anything, I just have to STOP doing stuff, and I’ve been stopping doing stuff so much that I’m an expert at it.)
I was horrified when I got on the scale — 249.9 when it had been about ten pounds lighter. It was probably an artificial high, but hell, I’ll take it because it’ll make the loss bigger.
So I’m on the case.
Had a horrible moment last night. First, a little background. My nephew died in car crash when he was 18. The police called my sister but wouldn’t tell her anything, they called his stepmother but wouldn’t tell her anything, not until Ted could confirm it. And when I talked to Laura (the stepmother) recently she started talking about the phone calls, and I started crying behind my sunglasses.
Fast forward to last night. Tim’s been doing great – really really well. Richie and I were watching tv, the phone rang, and caller ID showed up on the tv screen as California St …
and I lost it. Screamed at Richie to get the phone, and then when I realized who it was (California State division of Social Security about Tim’s disability, not California State Police) I had a complete breakdown. I still get weepy even talking about it.

It’s odd, because many many years ago, when Tim was 12 or 13, he was out one night and the Vermont State police called, and asked if we had a son named Timothy. And I said yes, and asked what was up. It was the dispatcher, and she said she couldn’t tell me, and I calmly demanded, and she said she’d transfer me, and at least a minute later (and trust me, 60 seconds in those circumstances are endless) I found out Tim had been busted, in a car with underage drinkers with marijuana on him.
And I just calmly went into crisis mode — no tears of panic.

And that was about 7 or 8 years after Stuart (my nephew) was killed.  It’s now 26 years since he died.
I was always surprised that I didn’t flip out when that happened. Didn’t flip out when Richie had his heart-attack, when Tim had his major snowmobile accident, when my sister died. I can usually deal with crises.

It was probably a combination of talking to Laura last week and dealing with Jo’s death. I try not to let myself panic when someone doesn’t return home in a timely manner and I don’t know where they are. I didn’t even freak when Tim disappeared and I found he was in the hospital. Getting freaked out about something that probably hasn’t happened is ridiculous. Freaking out when something has happened is counterproductive.

But yesterday was just bad. I almost told Tim about it, then decided there was no reason for him to know. I tend to share too much, and that would probably make him worry about me (he already does).
Still, it’s kind of rotten that no one in my family: my father, my brother, my sister, my nephew, my adopted-away niece, and even my 98 year old mother all died without warning. (I need to look on the bright side, which is that we don’t have cancer on either side of my family, which gives you plenty of warning). So it tends to make a girl untrusting.

So instead of making Tim worry I’m sharing it with you guys. It happened so fast that I didn’t have time to control myself, but I don’t want to be prey to those kinds of nightmares. People do die, and there’ll be more agonizing deaths in my life, even if there aren’t that many left. Gotta pull up my socks and get on with it.

Does everybody get those panicky feelings, or is it just me because I’ve lost so many people that way? It kind of seems to me that if it happens even once you start to lose your faith that everything will be all right.