Argh! That’s my anthem and my life – not Jenny’s website, but every bit of aggravation and frustration that word means.
Thank you all for your posts of hope etc. It was wonderful to read them. And yes, I know he’ll never be “normal.” I just want some stability and hope. Crap.
Anyway, had a good weekend. We did a staged reading of Katharine Paterson’s (she of The Bridge to Terabitha and others fame) play “Good King Wenceslas” and I got to be the romantic lead! It’s a ensemble play, but I got to play a mousey little woman (whose name is Mouse) who finds true love and bravery. I did the first act in a baggy sweater and my hair in a bun, did the second half with makeup and long hair and a flashy red shawl around my neck. And I was good!
Interesting thing – up until this summer I thought I was an adequate actor. With the right role I could be very entertaining (the Mayor’s wife in Music Man) but generally I was not distractingly bad – I did the job. But I actually got good this summer in To Kill a Mockingbird, and I was good in this one too. Which is cool. Trust me, I have no false modesty – I do think I’m glorious in many areas, but I recognize my limitations. So actually beginning to get good at this is a treat.
It was also a good thing to keep my mind off worrying. We’re going into a NAMI meeting tonight and having dinner in the big city, so that will be nice. We’ve got Tim in a decent hotel for now, but he’ll have to leave on the 23rd and we’re not sure where he can go. Of course, that’s ten days away and who knows what will happen with him. He missed his appointment (the one he was supposed to do when he got out of the hospital) which comes as no surprise but it doesn’t bode well. He’s still not terribly with it, but that could be the new meds (assuming he’s taking them).
Ah, but I made the dress for … I keep renaming her. Now I’ll call her Leslie … anyway, I made her a charming dress and I’m going to do some more sewing. it makes me happy. My grandchildren aren’t coming for Christmas after all, which is okay. It simplifies things and it’s much better for them and their mom, so I’ll just do without them. But it makes Christmas simpler.
That’s Kirsten in the St. Lucia outfit, Anna in the chair (with a tiny vintage Mr. Spock by her side) and Leslie is wearing the dress I just made. Now I just need to get back to my book, which I’m loving. It’s just so hard to get things done when you’re being pulled apart and worried.
So, today shrink and support meeting. Tomorrow make an apron for my SIL and bake pans of ziti for a thing our theater group is putting on for the school. Thursday I have lunch with a friend (Miranda Neville is her pen name) and go to the school dinner. Friday I curl up in a ball and scream …
No, it’ll be okay. I’m going to celebrate Christmas, damn it!