Jenny: Faces of Myth

4 Dec

I woke up yesterday morning, went into the bathroom, blinked at the mirror, and thought, “Faces of Meth.”

Honesty comes in those moments before you’re completely awake.

I actually don’t spend a lot of time looking at my face, but somehow the whole moving to a new environment has led to me looking at everything differently, and now my face is included in “everything.”  It probably didn’t help that I’ve been scanning family photos into my computer so I’ve been looking at pictures from my dewy youth (anything before fifty).  Anyway, I laughed because even as a half-conscious observation, “Faces of Meth” seemed pretty funny, and then I got dressed and forgot about it.

Well, I forgot about it until I got into the line at the grocery and saw a Star Magazine with the headline “Stars Without Make-up.”  Of course, I bought it; I’d just woken up to Faces of Meth.  The thing is, the majority of those actresses still looked beautiful without make-up.  They just didn’t look perfect.  They looked like beautiful human beings.  The whole superstar myth evaporated without foundation and great lighting and they looked like people I might know.  Star Magazine as Mythbuster.  (Just don’t read the text.  They must do a special screening for “vapid” when they hire writers.  I could feel brain cells dying as I read it.)

So that would have been enough, but then there were some who looked really awful.  Faces of Meth awful.   Goldie Hawn, in particular, was a great comfort.  Yes, she’s four years older than I am and she obviously spent too much time in the California sun, but still, she’s Goldie Hawn.  I look better without make-up than Goldie Hawn looks without make-up.  It’s the first time I’ve felt warmly toward Goldie Hawn.   And yet Goldie Hawn looks fabulous on the red carpet.  Maybe I need to get red carpet.  And better lighting.  And, of course, make-up.

Actually, what I need to get is my grades done, the class description for 523 done, my Christmas presents done, and my book done.  Also, I hate carpet.  So I put the magazine in Krissie’s room for the next time she visits, and I went back to work, secure in the knowledge that even the great beauties of Hollywood will look like me someday.  And the next time I look in the mirror early in the morning, I will not think “Faces of Meth.”

I will think, “Eat your heart out, Goldie.”



23 Responses to “Jenny: Faces of Myth”

  1. Frances in England December 4, 2012 at 6:42 am #

    This is not so much a “like” as a “LOVE!”

    We need more emphatic buttons 🙂

    • Maya Meyer December 4, 2012 at 7:28 am #

      This was a truly fabulous way to start my day. Eat your heart out Goldie!

    • Danielle December 4, 2012 at 11:51 am #

      I concur: maybe even just a big ole exclamation point.


  2. Maine Betty December 4, 2012 at 9:29 am #

    Ack! I saw that last night at the grocery store. I looked. I am not convinced that that was Goldie. But I am still sure that you look better than she does, in a bare face-off.

    What a creepy mean culture we find at the check out.

  3. Judy, Judy, Judy December 4, 2012 at 9:34 am #

    I haven’t seen that magazine, but I’ve been amazed at pics of stars without makeup before. And they must have some kind of super magic makeup. I’ve definitely not found anything like it at Sephora.
    I love it that you look better than Goldie without makeup.
    I’m going to have to think about who I look better than next time I’m looking in the mirror without makeup.
    See what an inspiration you are. One more way for me to procrastinate! 🙂

  4. Terri Osburn December 4, 2012 at 9:46 am #

    You’re beautiful, meth-faced Goldie or no. You should know we’re all quite jealous. 😉

    I was happy lately when I bought a dress for the company party then found it on the website (to show my friends) and the dress didn’t look nearly as good on the scrawny model as it did on me. You need curves to pull off this dress. Take that scrawny model.

  5. Skye December 4, 2012 at 10:41 am #

    I’ve got that whole looking 10-12 years younger thing going on so far and I hope that my mother’s overjudicious use of sunscreen on me when I was a child will make up for my teens. That and moisturizer. But I don’t know that any of this makes me look better than age-appropriate actors, just younger. 🙂 I can always hope!

    You look terrific in your pictures. But most people look scary in the mornings, especially if they slept on their face or their hair is attacking their head. It happens.

    • AuntieJB December 4, 2012 at 4:48 pm #

      People with CPAP (sleep apneia)devices, i.e. me, look even scarier in the morning…

  6. McB December 4, 2012 at 11:00 am #

    You know, I think it’s really all about attitude. Some people just have more spark or, in Goldie’s case, twinkle. If your attitude is vibrant enough, that’s what people will see.

  7. Robena Grant December 4, 2012 at 11:27 am #

    We’d all look great if we walked around in pancake make up and with our own personal lighting technician. One who knew how to play up our best features.

    But, hey, I just figure I’m old now so if I put a smile on my face nobody seems to notice the wrinkles, or the graying hair, or the widening butt. And if they do, I don’t care.

    Here’s to getting older gracefully because we don’t have the money to do it any other way. : 0

    • Rebecca (Another One) December 4, 2012 at 3:51 pm #

      Here’s to getting older gracefully because we don’t have the money to do it any other way.

      I Love that.

  8. Danielle December 4, 2012 at 11:57 am #

    Faces of Meth.

    And THAT RIGHT THERE is why you are so fabulous.

  9. katyL December 4, 2012 at 12:37 pm #

    I’m a big Goldie Hawn fan–makeup or no makeup. As I’m a big Jenny Crusie fan–morning meth face or no. I agree with McB that a person’s essence always shows through even if she doesn’t see it herself.

    But I’m very skeptical of all photos, especially in magazines. Anyone can take a bad and pic (or make one these days). And for my part, I happen to be one of those completely unphotogenic people and unflattering pics of me are aplenty–even before age added some oh so delightful touches.

    I can relate, though, to your comparing old pics to new ones. Hubby, son, and I were at my mom’s over the weekend and while I was talking to my mom, hubby & son saw a framed enlarged photo of when hubby and I got married (over 23 years ago) and hubby starting talking about how young I looked compared to now–something that’s obviously true but we all hope nobody else notices or talks about. I give brownie points to my son, though, because he always tells me how young I look and that I don’t look my age. He’s going to make some lucky girl a good hubby some day:)

    And I should add that hubby’s fascination was more because he sees me as the amalgamation of all our years together and usually has no sense of the changes of time in either of us–something I think is quite common for couples who’ve been together through the ages. So he gets brownie points for that, too.

  10. inkgrrl December 4, 2012 at 12:59 pm #

    Excellent perspective!

  11. Robin S. December 4, 2012 at 2:51 pm #

    What a hoot. I needed smiles today.

    My ‘favorite’ is waking up with a great big diagonal crease across my face that takes forever to go away. I’m not one who wants to get up early enough for my face wrinkles to fill in before I go forth into the world.

  12. Maria Powers December 4, 2012 at 3:16 pm #

    I love those moments when I realize that even celebrated beauties aren’t without the stylist, the make-up, the lighting, the airbrushing and photoshopping any more perfect then the rest of us humble humans. Of course the best was the “faces of meth”.

  13. Micki December 4, 2012 at 7:03 pm #

    I think it’s a matter of where you want to spend your time and money. I like sleeping and eating breakfast in the morning, so it takes me 15 minutes for a slow shower, two seconds to stick a barrette in my hair, and then I aim the car vents at my face as I drive to work. Beauty routine, done. I’ve *thought* about tinted moisturizers, but I don’t like goop on my face, and my face doesn’t like being clogged up.

    When I read about women who have 20 minute beauty routines every morning (or 40 or 90!!), I’m befuddled. A little in awe, but not enough to change anything about my own routines.

    (Although, that said, I *am* going to have to get better pictures taken of me. My boss is sending out a really horrible PR picture of each of the five assistant language teachers — even the beauty of our group is in a squished oval . . . .)

  14. Terrie December 4, 2012 at 7:54 pm #

    Faces of meth, faces of myth. Love it.

  15. jinx December 4, 2012 at 8:05 pm #

    But it’s interesting — we so seldom see aging the way it actually happens in a public, age-conscious, beauty-conscious society.

    I’m always fascinated to see photos of women in their 60s and 70s who have bypassed the socially accepted beauty styles. Suddenly I’m aware of the way a face reflects the inner self of the individual, and I love to see it.

    Pictures of Jane Goodall, Pema Chodron, Ang San Suu Kyi, for example, just radiate goodness and humor and thoughtfulness, whereas their age counterparts in full Hollywood makeup end up looking self-conscious and anxious.

    Makes me feel hopeful that character will, eventually, out. And better that than most other options!

  16. Mary Stella December 4, 2012 at 9:30 pm #

    Those magazines are brutal, picking the absolutely worst photos they can possibly find. I particularly hate the issues that do closeups on actresses’cellulite legs. I always want to yell at them, “Give the women a break!”

    On the other hand, it’s a good reminder that even the women we think are the most beautiful in the world do not roll out of bed looking perfect.

    Goldie Hawn would, indeed, eat her heart out to look like you, Jenny!

    I’m in a weird place this year. Good, but weird. My face and body have changed so much already with the weight loss. For the last 15 years, people have always said that I don’t look my age. (Coming up on 55). I’ve had few wrinkles compared to some friends who are my same age. I attributed it to genes and quitting smoking 26 years ago. Now I look at my face and see a few more lines have emerged. I wonder if they’ve been there for awhile but were plumped out/minimized by the excess weight. At least my skin isn’t sagging yet. That could happen by the time I finish losing weight.

    I’m sure I’ll be able to find a really good plastic surgeon. 🙂

  17. Reb December 5, 2012 at 3:39 am #

    You have finishing a book on your to-do list? That’s great news!

  18. Jenyfer Matthews December 5, 2012 at 8:17 am #

    I saw “Young Adult” in the theater last year and in one scene Charlese Theron is putting on makeup after a hard night partying. It was going on so thick I thought it was a joke but by the end of the scene she looked as she always does in the movies / magazines. The movie itself was nothing like I expected it to be story-wise – the most interesting part was actually seeing Theron show herself in her real and unaltered state and how she transforms into “perfect”.

    Meth face, ha!

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