Dark days at Casa de Rental. We had to take Lani to the airport. Jenny’s stomach was a mess Sunday night (too much stress) and everyone just crashed early. So you might say we didn’t have our official Come to Goddess meeting. But you know, the entire time has been a Come to Goddess meeting.
And then we started talking all morning (we woke up early). Reminding each other of things we know but choose to ignore. That Lani doesn’t have to make everyone happy and cheer everyone up. Nor does she have to apologize all the time for being who she is. Jenny doesn’t have to take charge of everyone, pay for everything, make sure everyone is getting what they want. Jenny doesn’t have to listen to the voices of her childhood bouncing around in her head.
And Krissie doesn’t need to fix everything. She doesn’t need to support her children, rescue her husband, come up with a plan and the answers to everything. Sure, it worked for almost forty years. But it’s not working any more.
My friend Sally had a great story. Her children were about four and six, and she was miserable, being run ragged as she tried to be the perfect mother. She did everything for them, always made sure their clothes were good, that their homework was done, kept the house OCD-spotless (she had a worse childhood than mine). Her therapist said stop doing all that. Sally went back the next week and said her kids now seemed depressed. The therapist said “you’d be depressed too if you just lost your maid.”
Point being that people can have a hard time with you when you change. And not all changes are good. I snapped at Richie last night, when I never do, simply because he couldn’t find a file on the computer for me. Well, it was actually because he kept getting pissed off about it at the other end of the phone, but still … Anyway, I called to apologize.
So we dropped Lani off at Newark Airport and then proceeded to get lost, not trusting Agnes the GPS (and the car), and it became Lucy and Ethel get out of Newark. Unfortunately I think I’m Lucy. Anyway, we finally made it home, and Jenny and I both got a bit of work done last night. About 1200 words, which got me to the 60k mark. I’d love to get at least 3k done today — that used to be a piece of cake. But we’ll see. It’s dark and raining and we miss Lani. But I’m going to work, and I always feel better when I work.
I think I know why I haven’t been gaining weight. We only have one major meal a day (when we go out). F’rinstance, yesterday I had a couple of breakfast bars for lunch, some pretzel goldfish and a morning glory muffin for dinner. For lunch I had broiled chicken, a relatively small amount of mashed potatoes and gravy and a roll without butter. The chicken (the gravy particularly) was the heavy meal, but since I didn’t eat much else the weight doesn’t seem to be a problem. At least, my clothes are still loose, and I’ll have to go with that.
Jenny’s gonna have a Come to Jesus meeting with her contractor, who unfortunately is sick. He does, however, have a full crew that’s been working on other things and they can damned well work on Jenny’s house. She needs in there, and bad.
So we’ll get through this dark day. She’ll kick butt and not let her own be kicked by missing the dogs and hating this house (which actually isn’t a bad house). But she needs roots, she needs a home. She needs to reinvent her fabulousness, and she needs to put down roots to do it.