This is me with a zen-like calm on my face. I’m happy to be here.
Yesterday Crusie and I did our swan song at Steak n Shake, Hobby Lobby and Jungle Jim’s (Christmas presents). We tried to mail off her incredible collages via UPS but the sneaky bastards had moved. Ate leftover Chinese food, went through most of the clothes while Jenny worked on her office.
Uh, there’s one problem for the Magpie.
Here are the things I’m taking back:
Which means I’ve got to throw this much out of the house. Aiyee!!! But new clothes. I kept picking things up and thinking: they’ll never fit. And they did.
So I guess it’s time to start getting rid of all the 1x as well as the 2x since these are all XL. The one thing I won’t wear is Liz Lange. She’s a great designer at Target and Jenny bought a few cool things, but they’re maternity.
I remember when I had my hysterectomy and my belly was all swollen the support group said to buy maternity clothes.
No. No. Just … no.
I could never get pregnant, and in case you haven’t figured it out, I’m an earth mother. I wanted to be a mother so badly, since I was eleven years old. I loved babysitting, love children. And because of the DES my mother took there were no pregnancies. So no way in hell will I put on a maternity dress.
Funny how so much later certain things still stab at your heart when you think you’ve made perfect peace with them.
I’m going to try to face writing today. It’s been a huge wall, and I’ve refused to even talk about it, but it’s time.
Maybe today won’t work, given the stress of the day. But it’s time to move my head back into the world. Gently, carefully.
No force. Just a visit, to see if I like it there.
The rest of me is feeling better. Now I just have to face the elephant in the room.