Alex is coming for the day (at least, I think so). And he and I will back and decorate and have a fabulous time!
Talked to my therapist about the big horror scene, and she, like you guys, applauded me. I’ve been nervous about telling people we’e let him back in, but he not only apologized, he’s treating me with respect. I think that’s the word, and it shocks me. Well, I think I shocked him. Anyway, my therapist didn’t give me shit for letting him come home after the apology, just said I had to insist he had long-term therapy. And that’s what he wants too — when I left to see my therapist he asked me to get names of possible people to see.
So things are moving again in a surprisingly positive direction.
I just don’t have it in me to kick him out when he has no place to go as long as he doesn’t abuse me emotionally or verbally. I won’t put up with it any longer. Things have suffered a sea change, and I don’t think we’ll ever go back to the way things were, thank god.
About sales — when I shuddered at the thought of sales it wasn’t sneering at sales. Being a good salesperson is a real gift — being able to talk someone, figure out what they need, helping them avoid something shiny that they don’t need, is wonderful. I shuddered at the thought of me selling. It’s part of me having a hard time accepting help. I have a very very hard time selling anything, taking money for anything. I think it’s part of my need to take care of people. I’m also the person who insists on picking up the bill (unless I’m with Jenny, who’s got the same gene but even stronger. We finally worked it out that we alternate. Used to be I’d pick up the cheap places to make it easier for her to accept. Or at least I thought that was how she felt). Anyway, I’m just not a salesperson — it’s antithetical to my nature. So my shudder was for that, not for the job. But I’ll be careful with my shuddering, because I don’t want Tim (might as well start calling him by his name — I’ve accidentally used it a few times) to think I look down on it.
And the good thing about sales is it’s relatively easy to start in. It needs to be something he cares about though. Like Burton snowboards, or adventure travel, or outdoor equipment.
God, it’s Friday already? I lost the week entirely. Monday I finished the book and had … whatever it was.
Tuesday I was a basket case. Wednesday I was still shaky, rearranged the living room (those slidy things they advertise on tv are great). Yesterday I did some decluttering, went to the therapist and went food shopping. And there went the week.
Today I get Alex and declutter and then re-clutter, though I’m going to pare down my Christmas decorations and take a bunch of them to Goodwill.
Lots of things to do and happy to do them. Maybe the Cymbalta is working. Maybe finishing the book is working. Maybe finally screaming at Tim, after 25 years of frustration and hurt, worked. Don’t know.
Ooops, Alex is here. Can’t even proofread.
I thought I’d put this up but I hadn’t. Anyway, I had a great day today, even though both my coffee maker and my dishwasher broke.