So I’m getting a handle on the whole diabetes thing, experimenting to see what works and what doesn’t. Along the way, I’ve been developing this cookie recipe that is so healthy it practically has nine out of ten doctors recommending it on TV . . . until I put in the chocolate chips. Of course, the reason I want them is the chocolate chips, not the whole wheat flour and oatmeal and the banana and the pecans–no, wait, I want the pecans–but after careful experimentation, I knew I could have one, possibly two with tea without spiking my blood sugar.
So yesterday I had six.
I’d love to tell you it was all part of the experiment, but really, I just wanted three cookies after lunch and then a three cookie-snack in the late afternoon. And of course, they knocked me flat on my ass. So I collapsed into bed and fell into a slight sugar-induced coma, and when I woke up, I thought, Yeah, can’t do that again, and was just so depressed, what with the diabetes and the blindness thing and my unfinished book and unfinished cottage, and how hopeless my life was, and how there was no point . . .
Which was when the sharp, still voice in my head that I like to call Agnes said, “You know, sugar causes depression.” She didn’t add, “Dumbass,” but she’s the voice in my head so I knew it was there.
So I got out of bed and made myself a two-egg omelet with skim milk and red pepper and scallions, and then threw caution to the wind and put some cheese on it. It was excellent, with no subsequent coma or depression. And I thought, Mistakes were made, but we learned. So this is good. We’ll never do that again. And Agnes said, “If you think that was your last chocolate chip, you have no self-knowledge whatsoever, so let’s just try not to pig out next time, okay?”
I’m glad I have Agnes keeping me honest and reminding me about sugar comas and depression, but I’m also glad about chocolate chips. I think I might be glad I ate the six cookies because without them I wouldn’t have Learned, but I’m not sure about that one. Still, a very productive day. Can’t wait to see what I screw up so I can Learn tomorrow.